My Most Personal Story Yet

I had zero intentions of sharing this story right now, but that’s the power of a good endorphin rush.

See those shining and smiling faces above?

That is my dear friend Danika and I after a super sweat fest in Tabata today.

We were feeling worked, challenged and AMAZING! It was fun!

I truly believe people and events happen in your life that shape where you are today, and Danika is one of the people I am forever grateful to for being my “gym buddy” during one of the harder times in my life.

Which brings me to a story I have really only shared with good friends and family, but today I am ready to share it with our tribe…..

It’s still tough to really dig deep back into the emotional side, but I believe by sharing we heal wounds and we help encourage others with hope.  Just because a time may be tough, it doesn’t have to break us.

In fact, just the opposite can happen. Every challenge, hardship, failure, or even your worst nightmare coming true…. those can all lead to a stronger more amazing YOU!

Now my story is not unique, there are many of people who have gone through the same exact thing and many who have gone through much much worse in their lives. But it is my story and I finally feel open enough to share a little more about my journey to where I am today.

This story has little to do with fitness, but without a doubt I would not be the person I am today or value health the way I do today without this experience.

Ok, time to get on with it…. See how hesitant I am to even get to it!?!

About 3 years into our marriage, Brian and I decided it was time to start trying to grow our family. We both felt “ready” (hahaha, really?!?!) and so it was time.

I thought it would happen the first month because I was used to working hard and getting what I set my mind out for.

But life had a different lesson in store to teach me.

After what felt like forever trying (it was maybe 6 months) and everyone around me seeming to sneeze and get pregnant, I finally was pregnant! I know 6 months is not long at all to try, but if you have ever been in this boat, it feels like years.

Hallelujah! Mission accomplished. I was pregnant.

I called the Dr., set the appointment for the 9 week mark and we carried on with our lives feeling full of excitement and hope.

We told a few close friends and family. This was exciting!

Full of nerves and dreams of our future, we went to that first doctor appointment together, excited to see that little bean and hear the heartbeat.

And then it happened……. At the time,  it was one of my worst nightmares coming true.

 

There was no heartbeat.

 

I was crushed….. To the core!

 

My very dreams  were ripped away from us. And there was NOTHING I could do. And it wasn’t fair.

 

I remember the doctor telling me right there, “Life isn’t fair. You will get through this together, but I am so sorry, life is not always fair.”

In my mind, MY BODY had failed me! Completely and utterly failed me.

I also felt like I failed my husband, my family and everyone else who was so excited to welcome a baby into the world.

I know that isn’t the truth at all and I know now how much more common miscarriages are, but it really sucked, plain and simple.

But as hard as that period was in life, we did make it through.

And looking back, I came out so much stronger, with so much more purpose in my life and respect for my body.

Shortly after this happened and I came to terms that my body did not fail me, I started to think more about how I was treating my body and mind.

That inspired me to become more active, instead of just a weekend warrior. And that is where Danika comes in!

She was a good friend and work buddy – we spent a lot of time together.  I knew I didn’t want to go to that big/scary gym alone and so I talked her into joining with me.

Always up to being a good friend, she said yes of course. So we became each other’s accountability partners.

And it was fun!

We would go 3-4 times a week at lunch, ride the machines, maybe play with the weighs a bit and call it good.

Knowing what I know now, those workouts were far from very functional or effective, but we were moving, enjoying the gym, doing it TOGETHER, sticking to it and most importantly HAVING FUN!

Fun – something I was holding back on having since our loss.

Instead of being angry at my body, I was celebrating it and challenging it and respecting it.

Eventually we got the nerve to try some bootcamp classes and then yoga classes, then we found willPower and the rest is history!

I found my passion, I found my calling, I found what I felt I could share with this world in my own unique way.

It didn’t happen in the first month of working out (and I don’t solely credit working out to having a baby), but eventually I got pregnant with our beautiful daughter Emmie and shortly after were surprised with the Wild West.

Because of the hardships I went through, I found a new respect and appreciation for my body. I learned to slowly start loving it more and to value the gift that exercise could bring to my life.

To say exercise changed my life is an understatement and probably why I am so passionate about it.

It.changed.my.life!

Exercise made me happier, more confident, in control, present, productive, and did I mention happy…….

So there it is…… The first time I have really written this out. And there were tears involved for sure that I wasn’t planning on. Because when our heart gets hurt, a little piece of that stays a part of us.

But it does not define us and it doesn’t need to derail us.

So when I tell my team to practice getting back up when they are knocked down

To love their body because it CAN move

To cherish their brain because it gives them the will to show up and the power to keep pushing through to better ourselves –

You better believe I mean it!!

I hope that today wherever you find yourself in life – whether battling through a really tough time or riding the clouds so high on life – that you appreciate that one place you have to live, your body.

While these kids are so much of my “why”, my stories are what shape me and what make my “who”.